You’re the reason why I find the idea of boys kissing me or even touching me disgusting. Thanks for that.
This is really long rant thing about a stupid boy whom i was asked about last night so yeah.
I’ve tried to forget about you because you messed me up. Messed me up more than I think anyone else could understand. I don’t talk about it in detail or all that much, for good reason. Like when I was asked last night what happened between us I got sick to my stomach, I felt disgusted with myself, & worst of all I felt pathetic. Pathetic for letting someone like you, someone who meant so little to me effect me this much. You built me up like a house of cards & I thought that there was a glimpse of hope that I found someone who was good for me. Someone who I didn’t deliberately pick out because I know they’ll hurt me. because I have this idea, this thing, where I think I deserve to be treated like shit. You’re the one person in a long time I had faith in, I thought with you I wasn’t sabotaging myself but I guess I was wrong. At least with all the ones I picked I knew what I was doing to myself. But with you I didn’t pick you, you picked me. So when I did decide I wanted you, you didn’t want me & that’s when I feel, I crumbled. I wanted to take a mental Heath day & skip school like I didn’t earlier in the year because of you but I was worried I’d be called pathetic, so I went. I was going to go see my friends play at a show tonight b/c I had to be on call at work & I am kinda thankful for that because I didn’t have to come up with a fake lie on why I couldn’t go because I was worried I be a downer. I am a terrible person. I am terrible & pathetic & stupid. Gah. If you’ve read this far I am sorry for my winnyness. Forgive me. & than you.